Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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