I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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