ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
