it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm bleeding and have questions
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