I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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