I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
