They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
