HIV tests are more positive than that guy
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you will always have a special place in my vag
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
