i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Boobs speak an international language.
It's blow job season.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
