I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
should my penis look like a turkey
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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