i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
