And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just gargled with NyQuil
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
