all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone came in the potted fern
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
