did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
