He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
