one might say we're banned from that church
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dear god my vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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