worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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