One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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