just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
