i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
