tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
