Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i believe in u and ur pee
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
