I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
