so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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