My liver just broke up with me...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
