No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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