when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
