Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
