I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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