As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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