I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i think i just lost a toe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
