Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
