she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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