I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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