True but thats because hes a fetus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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