When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
