I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
