I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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