3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
