You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
