my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
