i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize