Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
