you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
