sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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