i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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