trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
