Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
