During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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