I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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