Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
