My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
