i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
