I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
